On The New Year

Fuck it, let’s kick this off. In the most cliché of fashions I’m going to use the start of a new year as a driver to carry on the work I started towards the end of last year but have fallen behind on in ways I’m ashamed of. The first posts I made were, in a lot of ways, just flashes in the pan. They involved topics that were persistent in my thoughts and demanded the outlet. Unfortunately, several other attempts at crafting something worth reading from my internal ramblings proved fruitless. There are posts that I began but couldn’t complete. They featured subjects that I had felt strongly about at the time but didn’t manifest coherently enough when it came time to put them in words. A challenge I often make for myself is iterating over something until it’s lost all value or meaning. I’m going to try to do that less and hope that posting comes more freely this year.

So...fuck it, let’s kick it off in the most cliché of fashions…

It’s 2020. Happy New Year.

By the end of this year I hope to be a professional developer. It’s the exact same ambitious goal that I set for myself at the start of 2019, but the likelihood of me reaching it this year (within the first half of it) is high. It’s a hard thing to admit to myself given my propensity for insecurity, but I’m trying to be optimistic. The opportunity that I have ahead of me makes it tough for me to fuck it up, so I’m going to lean into that mindset and give it my all.

By the end of this year my goal is to have read (at least) 26 books. I’m aiming for 1 every two weeks and am already well underway. There’s a Good Reads link at the footer of every page which you can use to view my thoughts and reviews for any books I’ve read. I’m really looking forward to doing this. Over the past couple months of personal growth reading has been something I’ve really enjoyed doing. I’m very much open to recommendations so please leave comments wherever you know how to reach me with yours. I have no strong preference towards fiction or nonfiction. I’ll make it clear how this is going somewhere on this website in the coming weeks for the reference of anyone so inclined to follow along.

By the end of this year I want to weigh 250lbs. This is a big one. Like...potentially unreasonable. But maybe that’s a good thing? As of now I’m still hovering around 320lbs (319.6 as of this morning), so I’m looking to lose 70lbs, no easy feat, but not unreasonable to lose about 6lbs a month. I have a new workout routine that (for the simplicity of timing) I’ll be starting on Monday that features increased intensity. I’ve also changed how I do my cardio to be more effective as a starting point for my workout. (Despite having been going regularly for months I wonder if I’ll be looked at by some of the non-regulars as someone who has just decided to start going to the gym as a New Year’s resolution. I’ll try to remind myself of the thoughts shared in ...On Appearances.)

None of these are going to be quick. None of them are going to be easy, and each of them will require me to step well away from something I’m comfortable with to achieve them. I’ve got to push beyond my crippling anxiety reaching out to people and work to line up an internship as a developer. I’ve got to break down habits that might involve spending time on my phone before bed with spending time reading so I can keep making progress through my literary goal. I’ve got to stop making excuses for eating poorly or finding stupid ways to reward myself. I live a first world lifestyle that includes enough caloric indulgences to be called a reward in itself. It’s time to get firm with myself so I can get less soft.

There are other things I’m looking to do this year that may not get done, but that I think would be super fucking cool to do.

I’d like to start a podcast this year. I have tentative plans with a friend to do just that. The idea is that we’ll hang out and have a couple of beers and chat about random shit. We have nothing formal, but I think just the act itself will be enjoyable enough even if it doesn’t turn into anything recurring. Expect anything I do with it to be posted here for your curious ears. I’m told I have a great radio voice, so if you haven’t heard it before, you may be in for a treat.

I’d like to continue writing and work towards improving this craft by writing something more substantial. Multiple times throughout my life I’ve had an interest in writing some kind of book. It would be dope if this year I took the time to work towards that. The younger version of me would keep these attempts a closely guarded secret, but in an effort to distance myself from that asshole I’ll try to keep you posted if anything takes root.

I’d like to continue getting better. ‘Better’ is such a fucked up, subjective term that I can’t even fully qualify myself, but it’s succinct enough to do the trick. In the last few months since pushing a shift in my own ethos and lifestyle I’ve felt ‘better’. Staying mindful of the ups and downs of my life has helped me avoid the large pits I’ve fallen into previously. I want to continue to improve and get better at recognizing where I’m succeeding because that simple skill has been one of the most valuable that I’ve picked up.

I’m not sure if I’ll succeed at everything I want to do this year, just as I’m sure if you’ve set out any goals for 2020 you’re unsure if you’ll be able to either. I’m going to try. I’m going to get up tomorrow morning and go to the gym. I’m going to put away my computer tonight and grab my book. I’m going to schedule meetings with people next week and just put myself out there for the taking.

I want you to do the same. I want to celebrate success with you this year. I want you to drive towards something, no matter how big or small, and I want us to succeed together. I hope you’re with me.

I’d love to help out. Please let me know if I can.

It’s 2020. Happy New Year. Let’s kick it off well.

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